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They have seemingly great mates who have jobs and call their moms and open doors to restaurants- but haven’t yet popped the question.The relationship is traveling into their third (or sixth) year and nothing is wrong except these girls would like to take the relationship to the next level and their men have yet to agree. We must start with an important truth—there are two kinds of compatibility. Similar personalities, interests, wants, life goals, etc. I’m super-into the idea of using profiling and discrimination in our dating lives and partner selection processes to eliminate potential partners who are metaphorically liable to shit on your floors and destroy your shoes all the time. Is it okay for police officers to pull someone over because of his or her skin color alone? But is it okay for banks to lend different amounts of money to borrowers under different conditions based on the individual borrowers’ credit history? Is it okay for government-led armies to round up citizens and then imprison and execute them for no other reason than their ethnicity, religious beliefs or country of origin? But is it okay for college and professional sports teams to choose very large, very fast, very athletic people to be part of their teams as opposed to recruiting a bunch of short, slow and out-of-shape people? And we need to collectively demonstrate the intelligence and wisdom necessary to know the difference between when it’s okay and not okay. Our actions and choices in any given moment amount to a calculated gamble. Once in a great while, I’ll miss the swipe and have to quickly do it again to turn a light on or off.And I might be being a presumptuous D-hole, but I’m under the impression that when the average person speaks about romantic “compatibility,” they’re focusing on the #2 definition. The focus, to a certain extent, is on ALIKENESS or SAMENESS. The experiences aren’t particularly fun or functional, and the stories tend to have sad—sometimes tragic—endings. Let’s try to avoid running this idea through our political or social justice filters. When we reach out to flip a light switch, we’re estimating how far we need to extend our arms and move our hands and fingers in a way that will flip the switch successfully. We’re guessing when we turn steering wheels, when we eat food, when we jump into water, and when we speak to people.

Some 22% of 25-34 year olds and 17% of 35-44 year olds are online daters.

As a man, if I’m OK with where we stand, or I don’t anticipate getting engaged, we need to have that discussion.

I can’t tell you exactly how long is too long, but I can give some guidance on how to work toward finding your individual answer.

I get asked a lot of relationship-themed questions given where I work, and one of them is from women with boyfriends who want to know how long to wait for the ring.

These aren’t women who have been dating for two months, but rather women who are in long-term relationships.




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