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As a teenager, I am hopelessly vain, but right beneath the surface is something cracking. Sean switches the CD in my blue Sony player, and soon we are sprawled on my bed to the pop opera croons of Il Divo.We flip through the album booklet of picking out our perfect boyfriends. When there is an Il Divo concert later that summer in Dallas, Sean and I will be the only two Asians in a sea of middle-aged white women.We will squeal like tea kettles to rose petals pouring down the stage, and someone who looks like my history teacher will fling a red thong at Urs Bühler, my favorite.Back in my bedroom, we listen to My mother will cry and attempt to re-attach fistfuls of the discarded black hair to my scalp.

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Sean* wrinkles his nose when I show him how I’ve started to bind my chest.

He is proudly Cambodian American and utterly terrified of coming out to his parents as gay, but even the reshaping of my body feels too dangerous.“This is not you,” he shakes his head. Polaroids litter the carpet of my bedroom floor, making circles around a pink wig, cheap nail polish bottles, and abandoned stuff animals.

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